It's been awhile...

For those of you following this blog, it's been awhile...so I thought I'd better check in. Just as soon as I picked up my cameras again, I put them back down. In about 2, 3 weeks I plan on doing another photo shoot...with this young man that's really cool, we've been planning for several months now. (This photo-set is Zander, by the way.)

Tonight I saw the documentary called: Horse Boy

A truly lovely story of this family with an autistic son, they travel to Mongolia and meet with several Shamans...miraculously he's much better once they return to their home in Texas.

Also tonight I got text messages from a young Model on a Greyhound Bus, headed to California with no money, no place to stay...in search of his dream. He wants so very much to do a shoot with me, wants to be in my documentary as well. Wow, I need an 'Artists Commune' or something I guess.

It's such a beautiful day, now evening...good food, movie and now sitting at LeStat's...watching all this 'humanity'. Two beautiful teenage boys, obviously attracted to each other, visiting in a safe environment, others on their laptop computers, people in motorised wheelchairs, goths, nerds, a variety of races, body types etc, etc, etc.

It's been difficult, this year for sure...losing Bray in August, was a real blow to my emotions and how I view the World. I so much need to finish this film, my documentary...hopefully we'll have enough funding soon to be able to go into post-production by Spring of 2010...not very far away. I can promise, you've never, ever seen a bio-pic/art documentary like this one...it ain't your average Picture, people!

Enough saying hello and checking in with the WorldWideWeb community...carry on!

~Terry

I'm 'Back In The Saddle'

It was truly alarming, learning of Bray's death recently...wasn't sure, didn't feel like taking anymore pictures or finishing my documentary. Meeting and getting to know and in a way, falling in love with these young, vibrant and dangerous Souls...it's a tax on the mind and emotions are in full play.

So, the past 3 weekends I've taken up my camera and recorded and celebrated new friends' life, love and expression. Irving came from Guadalajara 3 weeks ago, I picked him up downtown and he spent the night with me here in San Diego...we photographed and he talked with me on-camera in the Hotel room, reminiscent of my time with Bray...but this time this young man joined together with me in a brief conversation about someone I loved dearly, someone...now lost to the ages.

These past two weekends I've photographed and interviewed Zander, an 18yr old boy from the UK. I so love to hear him talk, it's music to my ears...so full of life and enjoying his California Dreaming! Friday, August 28th I picked him up at the Train Station in Oceanside. We had so much fun, shooting in various planned and random locations throughout the city. We enjoyed listening to Hendrix on cd as we drove home to his cousins in Santa Clarita...

Then, a week later he receives the cd of images we'd taken and he Facebook messaged me and said he wanted to be in my documentary, to be interviewed. So, though it was labor day weekend, I drove up to meet with him at Zuma Beach in Malibu. We again were so happy to be together, soaking up the sun and enjoying a brief time of relaxing and lounging on the sand. The interview took place under a near by bridge and we also shot a roll of B & W stills...so dirty and dangerous was our location, we both loved it...so refreshing and spontaneous!

Again it was time to say goodbye, a slight embrace of my beautiful friend...then to the car and another long drive on the Pacific Coast Highway...then the 10 to the 405. I was happy, revived...now, I feel as though I am truly, "Back in the Saddle"...free once again to enjoy life, to freely express, embrace, engage in living this gift of my life.

R.I.P. Alexander "Bray" Baxter lll (april 8, 1989 - august 3, 2009)

Not too long ago I was blogging about my trip to San Francisco, my weekend with Bray. This time, it's about his suicide of this Monday. Wednesday I got a call from his Mom named Joy. She asked me if I'd heard from him, that he's been missing since Monday. She found my card in his bag...when she said that, I just had this strange feeling. My worst fears were realized this morning. It was about 1:30am, just about to go asleep on Matt's couch...but I wanted to check Bray's facebook page one more time. When I signed on...saw the 'Memorial' and 'Tributes'...I thought Oh no, Oh my God...no, no, no...not again. I couldn't even read them completely through. I've been invited to a Memorial...I can't even decline the RSVP. It's the last thing I want to do, to cry with all these people, though I feel the pain of loss...I've had so much loss...emotionally I just can't handle it. When I see Bray's picture from out photo shoot, when I see all the dozens of emails...still in my Inbox...my heart just shakes and trembles...I can still hear his voice, feel his soft skin, feel him breath in and out...telling me all about his life, his dreams of fame and fortune. Words can't do very much...honestly...I can't deal with all this stuff...I mean, I've had so many friends today loving me...telling me not to give up my photo essay and they've encouraged me to finish my documentary...but in a way...I really don't care to...but then, I need to I suppose. When I got in my car to leave Matt's and go to LeStat's for coffee before going to work...turning on the radio to FM 94.9...these lyrics to some song played...then I turned off the radio.

"you can't put your arms around a memory"....SELAH

~Terry

proud A M E R I C A N

One week ago today, I was on my way to Balboa Park to play Frisbee with Josh and Shane. Who's got the skills? I gots'tha skizzles. . . . . fo sho!

...anywhoo o o o, Art, making it...is liberating. 14 hours I spent with Josh...we became good friends by the end of the day.

It's so beautiful, fabulous, wonderful to make new friends with really cool, fun and funky people!

Freedom of Expression...that's what it's all about. We Americans are a proud people, we have rights to say, do just about any damn thing we want...within reason. Stand up tall, acknowledge your freedoms...live, love, make art. Show people in daWorld how much you care, we care, I care...live, love, make art!!!

Peace 2 daWorld,

~Terry

born FREE

It's July 4th 2009 here in America's Finest City! This is my second attempt to publish this post...damn computer problems...anyway, it's 1:38 am, here at LeStat's coffee shop.

The young man in this photo is Alex from Orange County...it's his first photo shoot of this type. He's an American with Vietnamese ancestry.

Now that it's morning, I'll have to talk "about last night"...I went to see the movie, Public Enemies. As I watched, the period piece really spoke to me...reminded me of growing up in Oklahoma and my trips to visit my Grandparents in Kansas. Grandpa Smith at one time was a Sheriff and later worked for the county, building bridges throughout Kansas.

I'm thinking a lot about all the money needed to finish this film...and I don't like that. My focus should be on the Art, not on money. I hope and pray that I'll start to meet people that believe in me and this timely Project. People need to know that most of my life has been dedicated to social service; working for years with the Juvenile Justice System, the past three years doing elder care...just two days ago, this Mexican family took a lot of money from my Client/Patient I take care of...it's a complicated mess. That's partly what's wrong in California...the State has basically bent over and is getting screwed by all these Illegal Aliens here...they drain our welfare system and hospitals...it's ridiculous...our great country is being raped by corrupt and cowardly politicians that only have their own interest in mind.

True social service and activism isn't safe or comfortable. My life has been dedicated to public service, taking on "The System"...standing up for justice. My art is a liberal expression of my creative side. It is my hope that people will see in my film, how important it is to express oneself freely and also be a Social Servant as well.

At the movies, prior to the film...a LEVIS commercial about America was shown...it was beautiful...I think of the Indian boys on the Reservation in Canada that so desperately want to be in front of my camera...to get off the Reservation and live their life freely as fashion Models.

So, America's Finest Kids is more than provocative images and footage, it's about dreams coming true, it's about America...even "North America" and FREEDOM!

After the movie, I walked to Barnes & Noble and looked at and eventually purchased the magazine, Aperture. Topics: NOT-SO-FASHION PHOTOGRAPHY, EDWARD HOPPER'S LEGACY, DIALOGUE WITH DON McCULLIN.

I so enjoyed every page as it turned, I was fascinated with what I beheld...wonderful images and stories...such vision and inspiration... Between the movie, my own memories flooding my conscience and this magazine...I wanted to shout! To Scream out to the World!

Freedom comes with a price, freedom of expression...even in 2009 is being restricted with new laws of social norm and so called morality...the government is perverting the very thing so many people have fought and died to establish and project.

Art can not be canned, packaged in a pre-approved format to please all who witness it's revelation. Art must be freely expressed without fear of retribution...IS ANYONE LISTENING THAT BELIEVES IN THE UNIQUE QUALITY OF EXPRESSIVE FREEDOM??

LET'S MAKE ART! SUPPORT THIS FILM, HELP MAKE IT A REALITY...STAND WITH ME AND WE WILL TELL A TRUE STORY OF STRUGGLE, FAILURE, SUCCESS, CREATIVITY, LIFE, DEATH AND REJUVENATION!

Peace,

Terry

SILK STOCKINGS

I just finished watching the film, SILK STOCKINGS on TCM. It's a lovely and political film from 1957. As I watched Fred Astaire and Cyd Charisse dance across the screen...it was impossible to ignore the power of the storyline. We can learn much from the artistic past...how relevant this picture is for our modern times.

Back from New York & Massachusetts

Traveling is very draining, I'm still tired from flying across the Country and back in 5 days. The last two days of editing I slept 3 hours each night. Working with Eric Marciano in his beautiful western Massachusetts home was an incredibly creative experience. We were able to make a 20 minute demo-tape of AMERICA'S FINEST KIDS.

The film is now taking on it's own identity as a creative 'work of art'. It is indeed an 'art doc'. For a moment, early on in this process...it was difficult to let go of some of the creative and narrative line of thought I've held onto for some time. When working with an experienced Filmmaker such as Eric, one finds it refreshing and invigorating to let go of some aspects of control and then embrace the newly revealed creative release made possible by walking on a different path. That said, quickly we joined together in thought and process and the 'fruit of our labor' has borne out a brilliantly crafted introduction into my life and that of this film. Post production has now begun, some elements of production do remain, as this is a creative Indie project. Patrons and friends, please join with me over these next several weeks and months to raise the finishing funding to complete this amazing documentary film!

Thanks for your love, support and patronage!

Terry Smith