a Fun photo shoot with Kevin M. in America's Finest City!

Well, well, well...what a Fun weekend! Kevin is so cool, so much fun to be able to do this his first 'provacative photo shoot'.

We started off as I often do to get to know him, we played frisbee at Balboa Park.

He's pretty damn good at it too! It's amazing how many people don't even know how to throw a round piece of plastic, LOL

Location, location, location...as they say in the 'Movie business'! We photographed around my favorite spots in North & Southpark...at the bridges, my good friend's house as well...here are a few images from our day, hope you enjoy!

The weekend in a mirror...

Wow, it's 2010 already!!! This is an image from me and Scottie's weekend...it was Christmas, he's homeless in Hollywood...came to Cali to be a Model, from Tennessee.

Me, well...you know my story.

We had so much fun, a highlight was going to see Tom Ford's new film opening Christmas...it's A Single Man. AWESOME, gotta check it out!!!

It was so nice to spend time with Scottie, to relax and just have fun. Before I took him to catch his Greyhound Bus back to Hollywood, he talked to the camera...told his story in brief, 'wearing briefs', lol...but it was moving, compelling and real.

I love this guy, he's cool...a good Kid, just can't go home...it ain't so good for him there.

Let's all love more, try not to hate, embrace life...bless people, make art & make love!!!

~T

Coming of Age-Loss of Innocence

Last night, into the morning I listened to the sound of the rain...pitter patter, as it bounced off my car roof. Had a lot on my mind, just had seen the film 'Me and Orson Wells'. Before leaving the movie theater parking lot, I was texting with this "gay kid"...he's 16, wants desperately to be in my documentary. It's difficult to know what relationships to maintain...with all my years in social work I know better than to sever these delicate relationships abruptly.

The loss of Bray, barely 20 still weighs heavily on my mind, affecting my emotions deeply.
So, this 'youngen', he's just 16 and very sexually active...he texts me the other night about these three "straight" 18 year old boys coming over with alcohol...then he texts me when everyone is fully drunk saying he's "going to bottom with them tonight, he's in the mood".

Now, after the deeds have been done, he texts me saying, " Yea, I found that 4sums with 3 aggressive drunk str8 men after your ass can be pleasurable until they try to put two in me at once".

Then he texts, "Well, me was very drunk and they were all curious and good friends. Plus hott, so I did not care really. It was a new experience."
So...this kid, as with Bray is a "Cutter"...I feel it's important to allow communication to remain...though he's completely in another State...if just talking with this kid keeps him "safer"...alive ya know, then I've done my part.

Bray was going to get paid $5000 (so he told me when still living) ...to be the Sex Object, "Toy" in a gay ritual, an "initiation" of sorts with 80 gay men in San Francisco...after a long discussion with him, I was finally able to talk him out of it. I told him being raped over and over again and with all the body fluids, no rules or laws upheld to keep him safe...that he'd need 5K just to repair the physical not to mention mental damage done. As I've blogged before, he did finally jump off the Golden Gate Bridge in August...I think of him hitting his head on the way down, floating in the Bay for 3 days before his body was found...it's still a disturbing and frightening picture I can't get out of my mind...

Some people say that I should just make the film 100 % sensual and artistic, not to put out there my heart and that I've got such a rich history of social service...I'm like, WHY?...I'm not just another Photographer shooting this 'edgy genre'! I'm uniquely my own person; can't be fake or unreal like the 'book' or 'cookie cutter' says I'm supposed to be. I'm a proud, creative American Photographer...I plan to "rock the World" with my presence, my creations, statements, commentary and social justice implemented...living, breathing, affecting, changing, growing and making a lot of money through inventive process and teaching young Artists how to achieve their goals/dreams/vision!!!

So, what to do about these troubled or curious at least gay, bi, str8 boys becoming men...well, just perpetuate life...let's just keep on perpetuating life!

Selah,

~Terry

I'm 'Back In The Saddle'

It was truly alarming, learning of Bray's death recently...wasn't sure, didn't feel like taking anymore pictures or finishing my documentary. Meeting and getting to know and in a way, falling in love with these young, vibrant and dangerous Souls...it's a tax on the mind and emotions are in full play.

So, the past 3 weekends I've taken up my camera and recorded and celebrated new friends' life, love and expression. Irving came from Guadalajara 3 weeks ago, I picked him up downtown and he spent the night with me here in San Diego...we photographed and he talked with me on-camera in the Hotel room, reminiscent of my time with Bray...but this time this young man joined together with me in a brief conversation about someone I loved dearly, someone...now lost to the ages.

These past two weekends I've photographed and interviewed Zander, an 18yr old boy from the UK. I so love to hear him talk, it's music to my ears...so full of life and enjoying his California Dreaming! Friday, August 28th I picked him up at the Train Station in Oceanside. We had so much fun, shooting in various planned and random locations throughout the city. We enjoyed listening to Hendrix on cd as we drove home to his cousins in Santa Clarita...

Then, a week later he receives the cd of images we'd taken and he Facebook messaged me and said he wanted to be in my documentary, to be interviewed. So, though it was labor day weekend, I drove up to meet with him at Zuma Beach in Malibu. We again were so happy to be together, soaking up the sun and enjoying a brief time of relaxing and lounging on the sand. The interview took place under a near by bridge and we also shot a roll of B & W stills...so dirty and dangerous was our location, we both loved it...so refreshing and spontaneous!

Again it was time to say goodbye, a slight embrace of my beautiful friend...then to the car and another long drive on the Pacific Coast Highway...then the 10 to the 405. I was happy, revived...now, I feel as though I am truly, "Back in the Saddle"...free once again to enjoy life, to freely express, embrace, engage in living this gift of my life.

proud A M E R I C A N

One week ago today, I was on my way to Balboa Park to play Frisbee with Josh and Shane. Who's got the skills? I gots'tha skizzles. . . . . fo sho!

...anywhoo o o o, Art, making it...is liberating. 14 hours I spent with Josh...we became good friends by the end of the day.

It's so beautiful, fabulous, wonderful to make new friends with really cool, fun and funky people!

Freedom of Expression...that's what it's all about. We Americans are a proud people, we have rights to say, do just about any damn thing we want...within reason. Stand up tall, acknowledge your freedoms...live, love, make art. Show people in daWorld how much you care, we care, I care...live, love, make art!!!

Peace 2 daWorld,

~Terry

born FREE

It's July 4th 2009 here in America's Finest City! This is my second attempt to publish this post...damn computer problems...anyway, it's 1:38 am, here at LeStat's coffee shop.

The young man in this photo is Alex from Orange County...it's his first photo shoot of this type. He's an American with Vietnamese ancestry.

Now that it's morning, I'll have to talk "about last night"...I went to see the movie, Public Enemies. As I watched, the period piece really spoke to me...reminded me of growing up in Oklahoma and my trips to visit my Grandparents in Kansas. Grandpa Smith at one time was a Sheriff and later worked for the county, building bridges throughout Kansas.

I'm thinking a lot about all the money needed to finish this film...and I don't like that. My focus should be on the Art, not on money. I hope and pray that I'll start to meet people that believe in me and this timely Project. People need to know that most of my life has been dedicated to social service; working for years with the Juvenile Justice System, the past three years doing elder care...just two days ago, this Mexican family took a lot of money from my Client/Patient I take care of...it's a complicated mess. That's partly what's wrong in California...the State has basically bent over and is getting screwed by all these Illegal Aliens here...they drain our welfare system and hospitals...it's ridiculous...our great country is being raped by corrupt and cowardly politicians that only have their own interest in mind.

True social service and activism isn't safe or comfortable. My life has been dedicated to public service, taking on "The System"...standing up for justice. My art is a liberal expression of my creative side. It is my hope that people will see in my film, how important it is to express oneself freely and also be a Social Servant as well.

At the movies, prior to the film...a LEVIS commercial about America was shown...it was beautiful...I think of the Indian boys on the Reservation in Canada that so desperately want to be in front of my camera...to get off the Reservation and live their life freely as fashion Models.

So, America's Finest Kids is more than provocative images and footage, it's about dreams coming true, it's about America...even "North America" and FREEDOM!

After the movie, I walked to Barnes & Noble and looked at and eventually purchased the magazine, Aperture. Topics: NOT-SO-FASHION PHOTOGRAPHY, EDWARD HOPPER'S LEGACY, DIALOGUE WITH DON McCULLIN.

I so enjoyed every page as it turned, I was fascinated with what I beheld...wonderful images and stories...such vision and inspiration... Between the movie, my own memories flooding my conscience and this magazine...I wanted to shout! To Scream out to the World!

Freedom comes with a price, freedom of expression...even in 2009 is being restricted with new laws of social norm and so called morality...the government is perverting the very thing so many people have fought and died to establish and project.

Art can not be canned, packaged in a pre-approved format to please all who witness it's revelation. Art must be freely expressed without fear of retribution...IS ANYONE LISTENING THAT BELIEVES IN THE UNIQUE QUALITY OF EXPRESSIVE FREEDOM??

LET'S MAKE ART! SUPPORT THIS FILM, HELP MAKE IT A REALITY...STAND WITH ME AND WE WILL TELL A TRUE STORY OF STRUGGLE, FAILURE, SUCCESS, CREATIVITY, LIFE, DEATH AND REJUVENATION!

Peace,

Terry

Back from New York & Massachusetts

Traveling is very draining, I'm still tired from flying across the Country and back in 5 days. The last two days of editing I slept 3 hours each night. Working with Eric Marciano in his beautiful western Massachusetts home was an incredibly creative experience. We were able to make a 20 minute demo-tape of AMERICA'S FINEST KIDS.

The film is now taking on it's own identity as a creative 'work of art'. It is indeed an 'art doc'. For a moment, early on in this process...it was difficult to let go of some of the creative and narrative line of thought I've held onto for some time. When working with an experienced Filmmaker such as Eric, one finds it refreshing and invigorating to let go of some aspects of control and then embrace the newly revealed creative release made possible by walking on a different path. That said, quickly we joined together in thought and process and the 'fruit of our labor' has borne out a brilliantly crafted introduction into my life and that of this film. Post production has now begun, some elements of production do remain, as this is a creative Indie project. Patrons and friends, please join with me over these next several weeks and months to raise the finishing funding to complete this amazing documentary film!

Thanks for your love, support and patronage!

Terry Smith

CHAOS-MAG.COM

Check it out:WWW.CHAOS-MAG.COM, it begins on page 272- (Spring issue 2009)

Exhausted, but I've gotta talk about Bray, etc...

Well, it's 1:15pm here in Sunny San Diego...and, finally I'm blogging about my trip on March 6th to San Francisco to photograph and film my 19yr old Model friend...Alexander Baxter III, otherwise known as "BRAY".

In retrospect I wish I would have recorded our conversation as we both relaxed in bed. However, my concern was not to come off as fake...so much in film making, even in documentary story telling is border-line reality.

Bray was and may still be suicidal...for a few weeks we have been communicating in long emails and talking on the cell phone as he walked around the streets of San Francisco. His Mom and Step-Dad kicked him out of the house when they discovered he was doing escort work to earn money. He's been kicking his heroine habit the past few years...his medication to help him stay off of it is $600 a month.

On April 8th, Bray will have his 2oth Birthday...hopefully!! I don't know what I'll do if I lose another youth I care so much about. Life is a crazy ride, everyone with their own belief systems and ideology...it's crazy...people are controlled by MONEY, holy Shit!!! I don't understand how humanity can be so fucking callas.

My dream to have an Art Commune and Movement...birthed out of my San Diego and American experience is still underway...I'm constantly networking, meeting people...life is a little, maybe a lot strange.

Back to Bray, I love this Kid...he has some unique beliefs...I was able to feel the tension and then release of tension from his body as I held him in my arms... he was gonna come back with me to San Diego...but when we pulled up to his Mom's house...she was busy conducting a Yoga class...I could see a child in his eyes. So, we left...and went back into the city and took some color photos...the scars on his chest and arms were being highlighted by the warmth of the sun.

The many hours I drove to get to him and then the 9 hours or so to leave him and get back to my social service job...it's intense. My life is INTENSE!!!

Surely there is someone out there that cares about human life, cares about these beautiful and sometimes... damaged souls that I am so passionately embracing. Why are we controlled by money, why?? Fear controls people, keeps them from accepting other people's reality, art, life. Money seems to be more precious than life itself. Money, dollars...it's a processed object/product from a formerly living...TREE!

I love you Bray!!!

Terry

Just hAng'N out with MiChAeL...

Here's a photo from Saturday. Michael is a Model friend of mine here in San Diego. We were gonna shoot color film, because I wanted to go to some specific location and capture the dramatic clouds in the sky. But, by the time we got there...the clouds were gone and it was another "sunny day" in America's Finest City. I'm not sure which image of the 36 on the roll I'm gonna choose...so, let me wrap this up and go take a gander again at the stuff we did. Everyone in the whole wide World, have a beautiful day!!!

Zach's Urban Experience

Here are two images from Zach's first photo-shoot. You will notice that there is a difference in the look and feel of each photograph. It is soft light in the mud & water. I used a #25 red filter for the photo in the direct sunlight.

We had a lot of fun walking around San Diego...also, you should have seen my shoes...there was about 3 inches of mud all around the edges. Zach is an 'Extreme Athlete', we will be filming him 90 feet in the air very soon.

Since tomorrow is Christmas, I'll wish a very Merry one to the readers of this blog. Zach's a good kid, I look forward to more artistic experiences with him.

Francis at 15

Francis will be 20 years old next year. He is the last remaining main character in my documentary film for me to do 'follow up' on. I'll be going to South Carolina to film him with his father, fishing out in the Atlantic. They are commercial fishermen. Francis is also a 'Surfer Kid'. When he came to San Diego in 2005 with his chaperon...he got to surf in the beautiful Pacific. He was very open with his body and then at age 15...saw his 'body as art'. In 2009 I'll photograph him as a young adult...documenting his matured body and probably get him on-camera with a girl, as he's somewhat a "chic magnet".

It should be a great experience....getting to film in his environment. Francis is more mature with regard to his view of the World. I look forward to interviewing him and letting him freely speak his mind.

Dusten is Art

Today is my birthday...it's raining here in "Sunny" San Diego, California...well, it's usually sunny. I like the sound of the rain though. Just did my last photo-shoot of the year on Saturday. I'll post an image from that in about a week. The person in this photo is Dusten. I've photographed him since he was 18. He's 25...I believe that's right...in this photo. Notice the scar on his left leg and hip. He and his brother were wrestling and his left femur 'snapped'. "Ouch"!! He's been amazing to photograph over the years...

Like many of the youths I photograph, he's not a "Model", except in front of my camera. With boys, their bodies mature and grow well into their 20's. You see more of a man's body at apx. the age of 25.

Cory is Art!

This is from back in June, July of 2006...when Cory spent part of the summer with me here in San Diego. I was his first photographer. It was an intense time, co-existing under the same roof. He is one of my closest friends and now a proud father of two little baby girls. He truly is one of "America's Finest Kids".

College Track Star

This is Sheldon, when I met him...he was an amazing athlete. Now, he's in the Army. He is indeed one of "America's Finest Kids".

The "Gay" Kid

His name is Brandon Spear, from Hollywood,CA
He is the cool "gay" kid in my documentary film.

America's Finest Kids

Cops in the Sky!

Cops in the Sky, that's right...wow...what a night, or morning or whatthefuckever! I'm still at LeStat's...accessing the "free" wifi. I've been emailing some magazines...my "already famous" photographer friends have been saying I should be in magazines...so, when we do the fucking search engine thing, then people will fucking start reading this Blog more. Well, as some of you know...I still do social services, elder care...the past few years.

It was killing me to work in juvenile group homes. There is all this shit in the news lately, the "16" yr old boy that was tortured in 'foster care' up in Tracy, California...there is so much more stuff that goes on. I tried fighting the "System" while working in it...got fired, went to Court and WON! Got my back pay, but the thing is...it's just like politics these days...all this shit just keeps on emitting its odor!

So, as very few people know, when I don't crash at Matt's house on my days off...I sleep in my car...last night there were drunks, skaters and their gf's...the Cop in the Sky was shining his light down about 2 am this morning...I was depressed, had a photo shoot cancel on me...I treat even the most 'green' model with respect...it bums me out when a shoot cancels....it hardly ever happens though.

I thought about my life, for just a moment...the depression took me very low...thoughts of not existing, suicide...that shit going through my fucking brain...but, I finally fell to sleep. Yes, my life is a Movie...it's not all 'fun and games', life is difficult to live...that's for sure.

It was cool to briefly talk with Cory in Pennsylvania again...he's now raising his two little daughters...his girlfriend split, what the fuck!...I love this kid!

Francis and I talked also last night...he and his Dad are going back out to fish, 4th time back to back...I look forward to getting out to see him next year in South Carolina to photograph and film him. He was 15 the last time I saw him...Oh', he told me to tell little Jed and his Mom hello last night...and I did. I was invited to the Christmas party at little Jed's home...it was really cool. I brought him a new Skateboard magazine...he's almost 11 now, into skateboarding...

This morning I was pleased to get a call from Sean, he's one of the kids from Seattle that's in my film...however, he's sort of starving, living in Pittsburgh now. Fuck!!, everyone needs money! It would be so cool if I could show more of my photography online, but I'll pick something out to include in this blog.

You know, I love the cast in my documentary so much, I must finish this film for them...let the World see them and get to know them...

-If we die, do we make a ripple?

If we live, dose anyone with money care?

If we reach out to the homeless, the abused & used,

will money come our way?

The next Great American Photographer...or, so people say...

my photography

my photography is overwhelming...no one, as of yet...is reading these blogs...and I have so much to show the World...

...what is...a great American photographer?


terry

LOVERS

So, it is much, much more fun to be...LOVERS. This is one of many images from my photo essay on youth culture as art.

Note: this image was deleted by Censors on my myspace site...

Photo Essay and Myspace...

This is an older image from my photo essay on youth culture as art. Chris is at his Grandparent's, in the pool house. Recently I've added over 200 photos to myspace. One was removed which had a guy-n-girl couple (clothed)....all sexy and fun, an image from my photo essay. It's funny and sad too, how myspace is all about making money, using young people and their need to communicate via the computer....They will cancel your account if someone, anyone complains....it's amazing. There are myspace groups for masterbaters, this, that, whatever...

It's an American thing. The myspace guy, "Tom"...he's in Santa Monica for crying out loud...BUT, he's all about exploitation and making money off of horny little teens that are searching for love or whatever through his M Y S P A C E "machine".....

You know it's a great asset, really...for communicating with friends, networking etc...but, it's America....don't fuck with the "Money-Mongers".... Advertise, Advertise Advertise!!!!!!!!!!

So much for Art, freedom of expression....and God forbid if you take on any established social norm or money making machines of our imperfect and celebrated society....

Whatever,

terry