At the Moment

Still here at the moment, not sure for how much longer though. Lately, each day I awake...think it may be my last. No Van Gogh references needed. There are so many things I'd like to say, but I just don't feel like putting it all out in the form of a Blog. So, that said...when you the Blog reader no longer see photos going up or rants from me...you'll know that perhaps, somethings...

People come to me, all excited...want to give me money to help finish my film...then, nothing happens. The expressions on faces, the way people walk and talk...humanity. Last night the film PATRICK 1.5, I saw it at the KEN Theater. The Swedes know Art, how to make it...how to tell a story. The movies are an escape for me. My drive is mostly gone, stripped of ambition...and yet, I stay the course...more often than not, I want to tell people to fuck off...then also, I feel like a little boy who's lost his way and then, there's the familiar image in my mind...a place where I used to play all day in the Sun...no worries, nothing to burden me down...simply adventure.

I think of some of the Blogs that people put my images on, they fantasize and write what they think and what they feel...they don't get it, hardly anyone gets it.

Men, driven by the blood in their penis, or the lack in their own existence...wanting what they see in a photograph...it's gone, doesn't last for long...trust me. Life, now there's something with TRUE VALUE. Hmmmm, what'cha gonna do with Life? All these different belief systems, brain wash, art, violence, terrorism, expression, ice cream...it's not all the same...Hmmmm, Birth! Birth, now that's PURE. The creation of something new, that which is innocent, not guilty of having an opinion or expression or mood...simply, Breathe IN.

~Terry

a new day

today is a new day and I hope that people will embrace that which is good and no longer mis-lead and lie...that art will continue to live and flourish and produce more creativity borne from the soul, freely expressed...without fear and full of truth...

The Greyhound brought Fernando

The Greyhound Bus brought Fernando to San Diego...we got a Motel room, damn...even Motel 6 is expensive these days. It must be tourist season...yup, that's it. Well, he was a lot of fun...we shot around the room, did some fun pics in the water and some outdoors as well. He's cool.....

What about Dylan

Two weekends ago Dylan's Dad paid for he and I to have a Motel room, to chill and hang out. Dylan needed to get away from his environment, is thinking of moving to San Diego. I've known him since his senior year in high school...we've photographed and filmed before, however...this time it was different. A few months ago I was getting ready for a trip to San Francisco, Dylan was interested in coming with...then one day on the phone he told me something had happened, he was going into re-hab for heroine addiction. I said, "so...what happened to get you hooked on heroin, did someone rape you?" Immediately he began to cry, saying that yes...someone had raped him. Over the weeks to come, we talked back and forth about the what had happened and he wanted to spend time with me, doing another shoot...nudes and fun, sexy stuff...also he agreed to open up on-camera, sharing about the rape and addiction.

This was a powerful weekend, we had a good time...he was very relaxed...we also shot around the city. I love this kid, he's been through a lot but he's doing much better now...I hope that I can finish this film, people keep shining me on...the Gallery in Los Angeles has flaked...they're trying to get Gus Van Sant to open their new location...the "Art World" fucking doesn't make sense...people are so fucking shallow and predictable...whatev. Any who, it's a release, it's pure and transparent, my photography and life experiences...the youth are real, life is real...ain't it all just so very grand.